"We're all going to die, darlin'."
"So many people think of convenience as a luxury."
"Really, who cares what soda you drink?"
"Convenience isn't a luxury. It's freedom."
"The marketers are always out there, waiting."
"Deceptive marketing puts food on my table."
Freedom, luxury, and cafeterias
Of course they like Jack. Who wouldn't like Jack?
"I wouldn't want to sweat on my nice shirt."
BONUS I CAN'T BELIEVE I MISSED LAST WEEK COMIC: Is the universe a cosmic joke?
Did the bug start talking to you?
It was a dark and stormy comic.
The long dark midnight snack of the soul.
She wasn't here, and now she is.
When does a person become a person? WHEE!
All the world's a stage and we are merely in a comic strip.
I'm so sorry I was missing for two weeks. But now Sunday 2AM is back! I'm sure you all missed me.
And hast thou cheered the Jabberwock?
Working isn't necessarily contributing.
Not everyone is into cooperation.
I hope you know, this means war.
With cooperation, anything is possible.
If there is a god, she's an ant.
Ants and meteors and grizzly bears, oh my.
Someone shout "FIRE!" in a crowded suburb.
Time keeps on slipping into the future. Right on, man.
Reluctance is a good thing sometimes.
What do you do once you're called?
You can only ever do your best.
"I got some ice cream!" (Sorry this is so late.)
A comic grew, not unlike a fungus.
On the expectations of others.
This is last week's comic (late). Look for this week's later this week!
Okay, I'm going to pour out a mini-flood: Here are the three strips to catch me up to date.
Second catch-up: General Tso has been perfectly preserved!
Third and final catch-up: My kingdom for a fork!
Coffee, tea, or sangria to start your morning.
I celebrated the strip's two year anniversary...by missing a strip. Whoops. So there are two today.
I hope you had the comic of your life.
Good to the second-to-last drop.
The task that's never completed.
I feel as if I have to keep making this joke over and over.
It's up and down but never over.
A is for All Right, You've Made Your Point.
A week behind: Someone has to carry the spear.
Catching up: No need for speed.
Catching up: All stones contribute, even Saint Jerome.
Still catching up: Quantifying excellence.
I've forgotten what I've forgotten.
In which blame is studiously not apportioned.
Late one: Put your arms around the world.
Late one: There are storms ahead.
Some days you're the windshield....
In honor of Sunday 2AM's third anniversary.
Please keep this universe clean.
We're all half asleep, really.
Of all the Charlie Browns in the world...
Whatever happened to that doppelgänger?
Counter programming punishment.
Speeding down a mountain road.
Chemistry or -- worse -- physics!
Don't forget to not save my brain!
Humans are basically ignorant.
The weather's fine, tiny human.
Let the ancient organisms speak.
Rafting down the river of life.
Fear not, underwear companions!
Jim and Jimi, together at last.
Hubble Ultra Deep Field of Dreams.
All the things you'll never know.
Don't stop talking, that's how Socrates died.
I can spell "banana" I just don't know when to stop.
Every day is like walking into the wind.
Maybe life is supposed to be difficult.
Eventually it all comes down to poop.
Consider the daffodils of the field.
Invasion of the Peeps Snatchers
Do we choose the bench or does the bench choose us?
The machinery works fine without you.
The cynicism is all too visible.
She's possessed by a demon who won't let her laugh. Ever.
Don't take people's opinions so seriously.
Atlas shrugs because he doesn't get royalties anyhow.
Walk a mile in someone else's book.
Nothing but a series of moments.
Day turns into night turns into day turns into
Why can't we just be nice to each other?
Whatever you did for one of the least of these, you did for me.
Super Special 5th Anniversary Sunday2AM Comic!
I dreamed a dream where I was naked.
Young children understand. Adults are bozos.
Silent lucidity, loud stupidity
I've had quite enough of time.
Perfection is boring...unless it isn't.
I'm bigger than what's inside my skull.
The ephemeral gifts of the Magi
Man makes god, man makes plans, god laughs, it's a party.
What's the word for when you can't think of a word?
I've been wrong before and I will be wrong again.
Correctability is more important than correctness.
What is life preparing you for?
There are limits to filial responsibility.
He sends three boats but never sends a note.
When you pray, move your feet.
Getting involved with getting involved.
If you're bored then you're boring.
The fault lies not in our stars but in our stories.
The complexities of life, the simplicities of stories.
It's easy to love a sleeping child.
Keep your opinions to yourself. Or at least whisper.
If you don't stop, you can't lose it.
Less Fountain of Youth, more Pool of Irritation
Freedom from guilt! Freedom from obligation!
You're more than your machinery...maybe.
Don't worry about the meaning of life.
You're not expected to complete the work.
Multiple evils of multicellular creatures.
The fact is, we're being shunned.
It's tough to change when you can't make a U-turn.
Cotton-Eyed Joe, Bringer of War
Sharper than a serpent's tooth.
Just keep shoveling, you'll dig yourself out eventually.
You wanted to build a snowman?
Call me by my full name, Shirlaneopherviah.
The arc of the universe bends towards rain, mostly.
Who'll stop the rain? Or deflect it, anyway.
If you expected it, it wouldn't be unforeseen.
Organic life is pretty gross when it comes down to it.
The dangers of microwave breakfast.
Why are we burning the future?
Roaches are, after all, noble creatures.
BORN TO BE WILD AND SEAT SEVEN
Mr. Minivan says BE EFFICIENT AND ROOMY
So much for Imaginary Al Gore.
I'm so flustered I don't know my right from my left.
It's good to have something in common with co-workers.
Things at the office are up and down.
We hardly ever get anything by semaphore, either.
We're all just ghosts to rocks.
You mean I have to work again tomorrow?!
Let's hope you learn where the bathroom is a bit sooner.
Some of us have JOBS, you know.
"The Necromancer" is a close second.
Turns out hardly anyone was sent off on ice floes.
Come back, pineapple, I didn't mean it!
Your choice of liquids matters.
Turning the stranger into a friend.
"Money can't buy you happiness..."
"...but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it."
You need more than just love, but it helps.
Bohemian, beatnik, hippie, whatever they have these days
You may be right, I may be an obnoxious ass.
Said the ring-tailed monkey, "I sorely grieve. Noah has a full house up his sleeve."
Everything I ever needed to know I learned in Glee Club.
Time to start rearranging the deck chairs.
The most powerful superhero team of all: The Imponderables!
The moving finger picks; and, having picked, moves on.
Have you talked to your cat lately?
The ducks are only continuous if you're not a duck.
The divinity in me asks the divinity in you to stop whining.
It's Sunday 2AM's 8th anniversary!
Christopher Columbus was a bad man.
Here's what I can manage: Sleep
Contributing to the delinquency of a grown-up.
Any thing divided by infinity is zero.
Morning won't break until I've had my coffee.
Milton has nothing on Stan Lee or John Byrne!
God is so great, he created Valentine's Day.
Try running it under hot water.
Even the Lord gets in trouble some days.
Life is pretty average, really.
At least they're not robots in disguise.
He holds him with his glittering eye. Also there's nowhere else to go.
Happy Give Hallmark Your Money Day
Mono No Aware means never having to say...I mean always having to say good-bye.
Happy Birthday, America...where's my wallet?
All you do not love will also be carried away, but not until later.
Slicing onions makes me cry. Slicing my hand, now....
Humankind's second most pressing question: What's for dinner?
A burden shared is still a burden.
Be prepared to do your best to enjoy life.
Take a walk in the park when you feel down
Twas the night before Thanksgiving and all through the house
Five little pumpkins sitting on my plate
Ah, sweet potato mysteries of life!
Santa is here FOR YOUR COOKIES
Christmas is over, long live Christmas!
New Year's Day, the year's Sunday
You've seen one New Year, you've seen 'em all.
Coming soon: SPHINGO by Milton Bradley!
Today is not the day. Tomorrow doesn't look good, either.
Maybe you've got three kids instead of two.
Twas the night before Heart Day
More like Nightlight Losing Time, am I right?
Let's get ready to FRIENDSHIP!
Be careful when you eavesdrop.
He was just about to win, too.
Cleaning means being free to make a mess.
Run, climb, jump, spend a week aching.
What if you're good at everything?
Hackerz 10: This Time It's Binary
More of a guideline than a mandate.
Truly I have mastered the dungeon!
We don't need a Hallmark card to have a good time.
What if I were eating ice cream on my deathbed?
"Maybe the next cup will be good!"
I don't even want to know about civets.
I'm gonna ride it all night long!
Uh, sorry, wrong number...please hang up and try again
Why not get closer to your fellow commuters?
Public transportation is in a vicious spiral.
Have you ever really loved a weirdo?
He took my slice grossly, full of bread
Now tell me what a pimiento is.
It's on the tip of his Broca's area.
Wealth Redistribution and All Hallow's Eve: A History
The puke pot makes an appearance!
The Technicolor dreams of black and white people
It's a delicate work/life balance.
Being hungry at least means you probably still exist.
Patron Saint of Self-Promotion
Happy New Year of Thinking You're Nuts
Lookit Nostra-dumbass over here!
The party's not over, you are.
Just wait until you hear the extended remix!
Modus ponens spelled backwards is MUD.
Can I put off procrastinating?
Cats certainly understand about naps.
The old coot's not dead but he does smell a bit funny.
Some people pretend they can't hear it, anyway.
What a piece of work is an old man!
The machine needs oiling, that's for sure.
Why does Elton want Tony Danza to hold him closer?
Of course squirrels speak bird! Why not?
Rain gardens are the way to go.
Kentucky bluegrass isn't even native to Kentucky.
Invasive species are, like, humans?
You're not old, you're vintage.
Take your joy where you find it.
Impending dinner? That I can get behind.
He's to the left of the bison.
You can make the same joke twice, though.
My ass is my wisest body part.
Do me a favor and don't get to the point.
I care enough to draw real food but not enough to do date math correctly.
Tater tots are Ore-Ida with me!
Seth Meyers would be too much.
Just because it's a cactus doesn't mean it doesn't need any water at all.
And I have seen the eternal Footman hold my coat, and Snickers.
All things must pass, pumpkin.
Figaro no yours. Figaro come from the milkman.
I'm grateful for the thesaurus.
The airing of grievances isn't until December 23rd!
It's difficult for adult men to make friends.
Roll to see if you successfully step outside your comfort zone.
"Except on Halloween. Then I wear a suit and tie."
Twas the night before Christmas and all the comics did a Christmas thing
Have you tried diplomacy? Small D diplomacy, I mean.
Icosahedra on fire off the shoulder of Orion....
Despite the Super Bowl being on TV
They should teach logic more or less, not sure which.
Am I older now or younger? I'm not sure!
Ta heck wit ya and yer Lucky Charms!
Did I request thee, Maker, from my clay/To mould me Peep?
Just back away and no one gets hurt.
It's called chai and it's fancy.
He's not wrong, but his timing is.
The bird's giving you the bird.
Sparrows are in fact mean little buggers.
I get a charge out of jokes like this.
By Al, Storm, and the Holy Willard
The people, their dogs, their bikes, their various smells....
If the seeds were frictionless, spitting them would be less fun!
Venus flytraps wouldn't want you, anyway. Too sour.
I need the love of my life to be insect resistant.
So round, so firm, so fully packed...with blandness.
Are you saying the world's *not* ending?
I'm sorry, were you feeling something?
Are you working on something for me?
But I was thinking of a way to feed oneself on OUCH, getting elbowed in the stomach
We shouldn't say old, we should say chronologically challenged.
You are likely to be eaten by a professional gamer.
Thoughts on love of the long-term variety.
It's a housefly, not an officefly.
Musca, musca, on the wall, who's the boringest one of all?
It might have been a raccoon, actually.
Smells like funky chicken in here.
More like CONmetheus, am I right?
Squash squash squashes squashes.
Auden was ashamed of the poem.
How well they understood its human position.
Eventually all loss is permanent.
Don't ask the question if you don't want the turpentine.
O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree
How dry are your poor branches
You can have Christmas cheer all year.
I'm just a complaint line, is what I'm saying.
Healthy or pickled? Hard to say.
